


Tidal

by Enchantable



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-23 01:26:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19140805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enchantable/pseuds/Enchantable
Summary: “I don’t need your pity,” Michael says, suddenly not liking the turn this has taken.“It’s not pity,” Alex snaps, “I thought your biggest secret was being bi. Not being an alien. You were in the system and they could have taken you. Easily.”Michael cringes because hearing his biggest fear laid out like that by the one person he wants to convince he’s not afraid of anything, well, kind of sucks.





	Tidal

“How were you going to tell me?”

Michael tilts his head to try and look at Alex but he can’t. They’re chained up on either side of the narrow column. Soon they’ll be driven off to god knows where. Interest and duty are the things keeping them alive in Jesse Manes’ eyes. For the moment he’ll take what he can get. 

“Is this really the time?” He asks.

“Come on,” Alex prods, “you had a plan right? Or were you just not going to?”

“I—“ Michael wants to deny but he can’t in any kind of serious way. Not if they’re about to be hurt again. The powerlessness echoes in his bones, “yeah.”

“And?” Alex prods after a moment of silence.

“I don’t know! I had a couple of them okay?!” He bursts out, hating the stupid defensive note in his voice. He drops his head with a huff because honestly what’s this going to be? More embarrassing? “I had a lot of them,” he says, “I wanted to tell you in the museum, point out everything that I knew. In one i was just going to say it the morning after, when you stayed. Or one of the times you were home and we got away—“ he leans his head against the column, “maybe at the drive in if we could get away."

Alex listens, his heart skipping. Michael isn’t answering his question. He’s telling him all the times he wanted to explain. Alex wishes they didn’t line up so well with the times he’s walked away. Had to get away. He knows they aren’t interconnected. Their traumas just somehow line up almost damningly perfectly. Right down to the fucking timing. Michael is silent and Alex wonders if seeing his face would help. 

“How?” He asks.

“How what?” 

“How were you going to tell me?” He asks.

“I don’t—“ Michael knows he can’t take the cowards way out, not if they’re about to die, “I was going to show you. I didn’t think you’d believe me otherwise.”

“What? Take my clothes off telekinetically?” He asks.

“Hey!” Michael objects, “and only in one of the trailer ones. I was going to do better shit in the rest of them.”

Alex is quiet as he lets this sink in. But how many grand romantic gestures did he dream up to tell him they could be together? Before all of this, before the hammer and the aliens and the fact that their relationship is as tangible as his missing leg. He knows the bitterness Michael must be feeling. The taste of broken and lost. Michael shifts his weight and clears his throat, getting his attention.

“What did you think? When you found out?” He asks, his voice quieter than Alex has heard it in a long time. 

“I thought I had to protect you,” Alex says simply. He can only maybe feel one of Michael’s arms but he knows everything tenses, “Same thought I always have.” 

“I don’t need your protection, you realize that don’t you?” Michael says, that old defensiveness creeping back into his voice. Alex rests his head against the column, “I’m an alien, I can—“

“Take care of myself,” he finishes, “that doesn’t mean I don’t want to protect you.”

“Why? Because your dad taught you to protect the things you love?” Michael challenges.

“Hey!” Alex objects, “don’t bring him into this.” 

“It’s hard not to, considering—“ Michael jangles the chains that keep him tied to the pole. Alex knows he’s got a point.

“But yes,” Alex continues, “I want to protect you. Why is that so hard for you to believe?” 

Michael scoffs and Alex tries not to wince at the sound. He knows why it’s hard for Michael to believe that. And he knows he hasn’t helped a lot in that department. But Michael is dangerous. And it’s got nothing to do with being an alien. He’s dangerous on a personal level and the more time they spend together the more dangerous he becomes. Alex can’t say he’s hiding something. He can’t say he’s pushing him away or choosing family. All of Michael’s excuses have good explanations and his—they don’t. 

“After,” Michael says, “after you figured it out and you did your whole protection thing. How did you feel about finding out I was an alien?”

Alex exhales and Michael wonders how this can possibly feel worse than any of the other shit when it comes to Alex. If they weren’t fucking chained together, he imagines that Alex would have already run from the conversation. Which adds a whole new layer to this because while Michael’s a firm believer in finding moments of good, he really doesn’t want to find anything positive about being chained up by Jesse Manes. 

“I don’t know,” he says finally, “and then I thought about all the other shit I didn’t know about you,” he explains, “then I thought about the shit I did know. I felt sad, you had to spend so long in the system with all these secrets.”

“I don’t need your pity,” Michael says, suddenly not liking the turn this has taken. 

“It’s not pity,” Alex snaps, “I thought your biggest secret was being bi. Not being an alien. You were in the system and they could have taken you. Easily.”

Michael cringes because hearing his biggest fear laid out like that by the one person he wants to convince he’s not afraid of anything, well, kind of sucks. But Alex isn’t finished with him.

“Then I felt ashamed,” he admits, “I spent years telling myself you couldn’t understand what it was like to always be looking over your shoulder at home. Spending every second afraid of what would happen if you were found out. That was the thing I had that you couldn’t understand,” he shakes his head, “but you’re an alien. I’m just—“

“Hey!” Michael cuts in, his voice so sharp Alex looks to the door as much as he can, half expecting his dad to be there, “I don’t think that. You know I don’t think that.” 

Alex digs his teeth into his lip because he wants to believe him but it’s hard. It’s always hard to feel this way, like on paper his problems are insane but in reality they’re a wave that constantly breaks over him. Sometimes in the familiar nightmares he runs from the wave and thinks that if he keeps running he can outpace it. But he never does. Those nights he doesn’t wake screaming. He hates himself the most those nights. 

  
“Look it was both of us that got us here, right?” Michael says when Alex can hear him again instead of the rushing in his ears, “your dad might’ve found out about me anyway. Government’s been looking for us for a long time—no epic sex required.” 

Alex opens his eyes. 

“I can’t believe we made out in the museum about your spaceship,” he says. Michael laughs, “that wasn’t weird for you?” Alex demands. 

“I was kind of more focused on kissing you,” Michael admits and Alex can see the grin Micheal has on in his head. It makes his chest ache. It makes all of him ache. “So yeah, that’s how I was gonna tell you,” Michael continues, “not sure how you would have—“ he trails off.

“Reacted?” Alex supplies, “probably badly,” he admits, “i hate surprises.”

“I know,” Michael says, “i was trying to think of the least surprising way to do it, you know?”

“I don’t think there is a not surprising way,” Alex admits. The unspoken hangs between them.

“How far do you think you’d have run?” Michael asks after a moment.

Alex licks his lips, hating how it’s not even outrage that curls through him. He doesn’t have an answer. Right now running isn’t even an option. His dad was smart enough to take his leg after all. 

“It doesn’t matter,” he says. 

Michael lets out a huff but doesn’t say anything, he knows when Alex is done with a particular train of thought. They are both minefields, but hiding his around Alex is second nature. Alex is all live wires and traps. Love can guide him all he wishes, it doesn’t change the fact that he will set off something. Always. Inevitably. 

“When are you leaving?” Alex asks.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Michael says, raising his wrist as much as he can.

“On your ship,” Alex corrects, “if you finish it—would you leave?”

“Maybe?” Michael puts aside the sick feeling in his stomach, “it’s not done. So it doesn’t matter.”

“But if it was—“

“It still doesn’t matter,” Michael says.

“But—“

“No,” Michael cuts in, “you don’t get to guilt me for wanting to put this place in the rearview mirror, okay? You don’t.'

Alex stings from the valid point. But he still stings. Being right doesn’t make it hurt less. He can feel himself being closed in. He hates that feeling. Trapped is home and the tool shed and the overturned humvee that took his leg. It’s that trailer and the endless desert. 

“Yeah, okay,” Alex says. Michael makes a noise like he knows everything in Alex’s head and finds it just as disgusting, “what?” He asks, his voice maybe a little harsher than he wishes it was.

“How are we supposed to get to know each other if we can’t talk?” Michael questions. 

“We’re tied up and my dad might come down and you want to talk about this-this—“

“Our friendship? Yeah, yeah i do,” Michael says, “your dad’s always been a threat in this.”

“Not like this!” Alex protests. Michael’s hand says otherwise. “I don’t know,” he says finally. 

“Neither do i. We both can’t keep doing this,” Michael points out, “my secrets are out. Your turn,” he shifts to try and see Alex and then gives up, “you gotta give me—“

“I don’t,” Alex snaps, “how the hell could you sleep with Maria?” He demands, almost without meaning to, “we’re friends!”

“I’m friends with her too!” Michael says, the defensiveness in full force, “i like her.” Alex says nothing, “you made it clear you didn’t want anything to do with us as a couple. What was i supposed to do? Pretend you didn’t say that?” Alex grinds his teeth together and Michael twists, “you gotta be fucking kidding—that’s bullshit.”

“I know, okay?” Alex snaps, “i know it’s bullshit. And it’s not fair—“

“No. It’s not,” Michael says, “but when’s life ever been fair to us?”

Alex looks down, shame coiling through him. He  knows he can’t tell Michael who to sleep with and who not to. Not do that and also tell him they can’t be together. Logically he knows that. Emotionally however, he feels very differently.

“I needed time to figure things out,” he says.

“You could have asked me to wait,” Michael snaps.

“Would you have?” Alex asks, voice heavy with disbelief.

Michael doesn’t know if he has an answer for that. For any of this. And maybe that silence is just as much an answer as the actual words.

“It doesn’t matter,” Alex says finally, “you and Maria—“

“No, fuck that, this is between you and me—“

“Not anymore!” Alex says

“And whose fault is that?!” Alex cringes even though Michael can’t see and Michael who says he isn’t a mind reader immediately seems to get it, “shit, i’m sorry—“ he says, “Alex! Alex—“

Alex grinds his teeth again. He’s not going to pieces. Not right now. Not after that.

“I’m fine,” he says, “it’s not—“

They both turn to the door as it rattles. Back to back against the pole, Michael’s hand fumbles and he grabs it. It hurts to touch him and the adrenaline isn’t helping. The door slams twice before it opens and Michael almost weeps with relief as Max comes charging in like a bull. His eyes go to them and he scrambles over.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” Michael gets out.

“You okay Manes?” Max asks.

“Yeah i’m fine,” he lies.

When Michael lets go he can almost pretend that it’s to get rid of the cuffs.

Almost.

Outside he leans against the car while Max finds his leg. Michael eventually joins him, giving him enough distance that he has the illusion of this being a choice. 

“We can keep trying to be friends,” Michael says, “but the rest of it—“

“I know,” Alex says. He looks at Michael, “I want to get to know you,” he repeats, “to be friends. It’s just—“ he blows out a breath.

“Hard,” Michael supplies, something indefinable in his eyes, “yeah i get it.”

“I still want to try,” Alex adds quickly, “i don’t care how hard it is.”

Michael bits down on his lip and looks away. Alex realizes he’s fighting a smile. He can’t exactly help his eye roll.

“Come on, seriously?”

“What?” Michael asks innocently, shoving his hands into his pockets, “we can’t make jokes?”

Alex shakes his head and lets himself relax against the car. Michael scoots a bit closer and Alex shoves the ache with the rest of them. He can do this.

“So what would two friends do on a Saturday after escaping from one of their psycho dads?”

“Well,” Michael says, “they would probably take the alien that saved them out for a beer.”

Alex glances over at Max. He’s probably the biggest shock in this alien thing. Even now, knowing what he does, Alex sometimes has a hard time believing it. But a beer sounds good, right now. Or anything that lets him pick the ball up on this friendship. Or keep that hopeful look in Michael’s eyes. 

“Okay. Yeah; a beer sounds great, let’s get it,” he says.


End file.
